My mind is my enemy

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My mind is my enemy

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grog_d_unkindly

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so goddamn tired	[Feb. 4th, 2019\|03:49 am] grog_d_unkindly
not physically just... everything takes so much effort for so little effect. Just have to keep coding, can't afford anything if I don't and I have one month left of expenses before I hit the oh shit point. In other news friends all seem to be doing better, super proud of em. One friend got open heart surgery and is recovering, other got a job, others got promoted/raises, wish I could be there for them, but celebrating in spirit.
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(no subject)	[Feb. 1st, 2019\|01:24 am] grog_d_unkindly
So trying to write this bit of code I have and I have come to the realization that for once, I'm not writing code because I am being lazy, it's because I'm stumped. I have no idea how I'm going to write this. I have a rough idea of what I want to do but the exact way to do it? no clue. If I brute force this solution, my program would require more memory than I believe my computer has. If I use external sources to offsite some of my requirements my code would execute at a snails pace and would end up in callback hell and I would never be able to debug it as it would be layered 5-15 callbacks deep asking for data. .2 seconds isn't a lot until you are running through a thousand bots that may be making hundreds of calls each. I honestly do not know of a great solution for making this work and it's driving me bonkers. I need something for my portfolio however as it's been too long since school and employment.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 25th, 2019\|02:01 pm] grog_d_unkindly
programming... that thing that I need to do more of. The worst part about programming is that when you haven't done it for a few weeks simple tasks that should take a few minutes takes a LOT longer. Setting up a github took how long? blah. Other than that though, cranking through coding, need at least one project done.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 20th, 2019\|06:57 pm] grog_d_unkindly
Foot got worse heads doing better. Tomorrows a fun filled day of trying to hobble to various drs. Should be painful but an interesting challenge. I guess I just needed to be reminded that I'm not always going to fail.
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more reading	[Jan. 18th, 2019\|02:15 am] grog_d_unkindly
So I've been stuck in a depression hole recently. I was reading a book today and one of the lines kind of made sense. You need to determine why you do things because emotions cannot be your only motivation as they will often fail you. I guess as usual time for more self reflection considering that the apathy of depression has caused my motivations to fail completely and if I can determine a why maybe I can crawl out of it.
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still more couch time	[Jan. 14th, 2019\|06:21 am] grog_d_unkindly
so my foot is still swollen up like a slightly smaller balloon then a few days ago and I'm still relatively couch bound. I suppose the good thing about this is that I've blown through like 9 books in the last week.
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couch bound last few days	[Jan. 11th, 2019\|12:12 pm] grog_d_unkindly
So been couch bound cause medical reasons makes me realize how much I am uninterested in watching tv/movies recently.
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xmas done	[Dec. 27th, 2018\|05:02 pm] grog_d_unkindly
And back to our normally scheduled life. I love the holidays but man does it mess up everything.
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the saga of the car I cannot make go away.	[Dec. 21st, 2018\|03:07 pm] grog_d_unkindly
Ok, so my car is titled in Arizona. The registration expired before I moved up and I didn't want to pay Arizona another $120 for a year of registration so I just grabbed a trip permit. After I got up here as I tried to get my car registered, I needed to pass emissions which I did, but to register I needed a copy of my title. Eh no big deal I don't care as I'm not driving, I'll worry about it once I have a job and need it. Fast forward to last year about this time. I go back to az about this time and I try to get my title so I can register my car. Turns out when I originally paid off my car the loan company never filed the lien release. I call the loan company and they say it's so long that they don't even have the paperwork to file the release, instead they will send me notification that they do not have a lien on the car. I guess I have to accept that. Fast forward a year, the HOA is demanding I move my car, never received the paperwork from the lien release, can't get the title, registration out of date and Washington requires a title or current registration to sell the car, can't give the car away to charity, can't dump it at a scrap yard and I'm told move it, or it will get towed and I'll be charged $60 a day for a month before they bother getting the title themselves and selling it for me. As I think the car will only get about $500 in auction, this means after all is said and done, they will bill me 1,800 or so minus whatever the car gets at auction. So I called a tow truck and moved it to the "permanent spot" that comes with the apartment. So yeah, whoever thought it would be this difficult to just get rid of a car? I would love it if a semi honest tow company would "tow" my car, agree to charge me $1 in storage fees and file a lien to get legal ownership so they can sell it for whatever profit they make. I wish I could say that my mental health was stable enough to handle this but it caused me to spiral again and accomplish nothing for quite a few days. In other news managed to get some work done on my last portfolio piece before I have to start submitting everywhere, and it shouldn't take too much longer.
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timing	[Dec. 7th, 2018\|02:19 pm] grog_d_unkindly
yeah, that thing.
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