|Why is this so hard?
||[Nov. 14th, 2018|01:20 am]
I keep trying to bring up that we just aren't right for each other and somehow it gets put on hold. I've now attempted it twice, and both times I'm too soft hearted to really drive in the words I want to break up. I've said well then lets break up a few times when fighting, talked about how we don't communicate well multiple times etc. I've never just gone full stop I'm done, lets call it off. Every time I do I know I'm just ripping her apart and I hate hurting people and somehow it gets back to being put on hold. I've never started with "lets end this" it's always in the middle of some other argument and I really know I should just start with that. Is there ever a good time to hurt someone you love respect and admire but know you just are not right for each other? She thinks my depression is getting worse, my depressions getting worse because I have this looming over my head constantly. Our relationship is not bad, but it is not good enough for forever, and it's killing me that I see this and she refuses to. I'm not who she needs, and she's not who I need, but she believes I am. I don't ever expect a perfect relationship, but if your partner causes you to cry every few days just because they react and interact the way they do... it's not working. There's never a perfect time, and I can't keep hoping that she will realize this herself because she isn't letting herself see it. Instead she just keeps asking me to be someone else, and I just accept she's not. Ugh, wish there was a user manual for this shit, maybe I wouldn't have fucked up so badly in the past because of it.|